that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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