so let's talk penis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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