dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
