saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
