My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
