we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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