My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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