So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
