he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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