You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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