After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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