im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
