think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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