it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize