Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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