I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
