Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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