Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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