I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize