she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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