I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
