My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
