It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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