You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my penis made a compromise with my morals
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize