dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
