he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
