I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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