Yo dont text me then not text me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
