Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
