never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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