someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
