Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
