Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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