Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
