yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
