Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
