I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
