If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
