So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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