GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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