My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
