Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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