and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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