turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
