I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
