Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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