i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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