Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
