so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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