i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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