but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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