I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
