I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
