she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
