why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
