he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
