I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
