i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
