You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
