You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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