Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
