loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
