My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
