Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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