we have pet lesbian snakes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
