I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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