She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
