I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
