I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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