my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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