he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
