I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
