I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
