Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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