dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
