i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
