I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
